Since Childhood, I have always seen my parents fighting. I used to suck my middle fingers to avoid any discomfort during their fights. As in most cases, I also have many nagging relatives and an even more dominating and nagging elder sister. I left my habit at the age of 18 yrs, but since then I also become very disturbed whenever there are fights in the house and have developed a tendency to scream. I go into depression quite frequently. After my sister’s inter-religious marriage, my father hit me with a glass to vent out his frustration over my sister’s marriage. I get very scared when I see violence any where, but I have unknowingly turned violent myself. This is affecting my life badly and I am unable to take up any challenges in life. I have reached a point where I think that committing suicide will help me. But I don’t have the guts to do so. I am a well educated person, and feel like a total waste. I have read many self improvisation books, but never been able to implement the thoughts. Please help me!

Unfortunately, you had traumatic childhood and it continued till now. You must be feeling miserable, helpless and frustrated. These feelings in turn produce aggression and later on may be Depression. For you reading motivational books may not be sufficient, you should seek professional help. You need to work out on your past, it’s effects on your personality and depression itself.